I've always been so scared...

I've always been so scared to write. To explain my thoughts and feelings to the public for the fear of rejection. The little fledgling of self esteem has grown to be a Phoenix. Risen from the ashes. The fog of fear has dissipated; a paralyzing illusion created within the deepest and saddest parts of my mind, where I would be persecuted for being myself.

Now, let me not get ahead of myself here. It is not as if I have come to find myself in one grand, euphoric experience. Life is not like that, because it would be fucking boring. It's more like a really, really slow coffee pot. A slow drip feed of information about yourself that sparks your deepest desires, fuels your soul and reigns in your ego when things get a little cray cray. I mean, I really can't speak for you, but I can speak for myself, certainly.

So the slow drip feed has been on for about two years. Two years ago I was mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically ill. I no longer wanted to live. I had reached an all time low. What the fuck was wrong with me? In retrospect, I acted purely out of my emotional wounding and lacked any type of spiritual practice. I was so detached, and no one would have known otherwise.

Two years later, things have changed drastically. I have made incredible personal gains and..

This isn't what I wanted to talk about. It doesn't matter. Today, I rock. I love myself and I respect myself.

I don't want to get side tracked in the gory and dramatic details of my existence because it isn't that amazing but, in reality, it's pretty amazing, but not too amazing.

Anyways, I want to write. I want to write about my life because I have so much to share! About life and love and death and food and exercise.

Body image issues, relationships, comedy, acting, drug addiction, codependency issues, anger, sadness, joy, children. The list goes on.

There is so much crap jammed up in my head and I just want to write about it.

I want to do things in my life for me. I want to write for me.

What a novel idea.

I let society dictate what I did for so long. I let others tell me who I am. I waited for external confirmation before I did anything for myself; before I acted out of my heart.

I want to write, and gosh darn it, I'll write because I like to write and because I want to write. I don't need any other reasons.